“There is no pain so great as the memory of joy in present grief” ~ Aeschylus
Life is paradoxical.
We have come to understand from the moment we take our first breath that we will experience great joy at times only to be followed by the deepest despair. The time in between will have moderate degrees of both. It is expected and accepted. One is celebrated and the other is ignored. If I asked you to survey a room full of people and point out joy, it would be an easy task. The signs so blissfully obvious; a sparkly ring newly placed on the left hand, the gentle caresses of a burgeoning belly, the glow of a well-deserved break, the laughter and smiles of your guests as they breezily flutter from one to another sharing their good fortunes. Happiness abounds.
Sorrow and loss are so much more subtle. We have all experienced loss in our life. The degrees by which we count those losses vary. Loss of a job, a relationship, a pet, your innocence or a loved one. It’s difficult to distinguish the sadness that comes with living. It’s even harder when a value is placed on your loss. It’s in the sharing of our experiences that creates connectivity within ourselves and our communities. But it seems that there are societal rules that one must adhere to. Imagine listening to a friend exclaim how excited they are to receive a promotion and you congratulating them but deciding that your news of a new baby cannot be told. “There is a quota on how much happiness that can be spared today, and they already won. I will have to wait until tomorrow.”
Ridiculous? Of course.
We instinctively know that we can rejoice in others good news and still proclaim our own. Joy brings us together. Loss segregates us. Hearing someone tearfully pour their pain out will cause most of us to retreat or defend. Either I cannot share my pain because yours is so much worse, or I cannot believe you would dare to compare our levels of pain as being the same. Losing a child may not be the same as losing a job. It may not be the same as a severed relationship. Pain is not all the same. But in truth; People operate based on their own knowledge and personal experience. This may be the worse pain a person has felt so far, and you are right, it is not the same. But blessedly, they don’t know that. They are expressing what feels like such a loss.
We each carry our own burdens, navigating through life with the memories of joy and sorrow interwoven into our souls. It’s these memories that shape us, teaching us resilience and empathy. The grief we feel in the face of loss is profound because it contrasts so starkly with the happiness we once knew.
It serves as reminder to be gentle with ourselves and others. Allow space for both joy and sorrow. Recognize the signs of joy, celebrate them, and don’t shy away from the subtle, often silent expressions of sorrow. Imagine a world where every emotion is valid, every experience is honored, and every person is understood.
In the end, the memory of joy may amplify our present grief, but it also serves as a reminder of the beauty and richness of our lives. It is through this duality that we grow, learn, and ultimately, find peace.
Love never gives up.
